Renew My Meekness

A bitter gourd

One thing I strive to teach my children is to let go of bitterness.  It's like a poison -- it holds us back and prevents us from growing and accomplishing all we can. 

In early 2004 I was attending a morning Gospel study course on the New Testament.  At the start of the course I felt quite 'full of myself'.  In my mind (at the time) it went like this:

Attend church 100%                  check

Pay a full tithe                            check

Fulfill Calling                              check

Fulfill Civil Duties                      check

Help the Poor                             check

Hold Family Prayer                    check

Hold Family Gospel Study         check

Visit my sisters in the church     check

I felt good about who I was and how I was.  But then our teacher began to elaborate more of the personality and life of the Savior.  As we studied the Sermon on the Mount and other examples, I felt my checklist crumble into nothingness as well as my self esteem.  

What was all this 'Turn the Other Cheek' business?  And 'Judge Not' business?  Pray for your enemies?  I had heard these lessons a hundred times before, but that particular morning changed my life around.  These were not things that I could put on a check-list and tic off.  These things were hard...and many times uncomfortable. They required far more 'Christ-hood'.

I learned of the meekness of Christ.  To me, (at the time) meekness meant 'weakness'.  A kind of giving in to those stronger and perhaps more intelligent then yourself.  But by the end of this class, I came to understand that meekness is an essential quality of divinity.  It is the ability to see past emotion and take a higher road into Godhood...at least this is how it stands in my mind.

A year later I found myself going through the extreme difficulty of divorce.  One day as I sat in church I took a good look around me.  There was a teenage girl giving a talk at the pulpit, the Bishop and his councilors sitting behind her, others like me who were struggling.  My eyes settled on individuals who I knew had certain addictions and I caught myself as I wondered why they even came to church.  

I was feeling bitter and annoyed.  The lesson came back to me and I closed my eyes and let all the judgments leave my heart.  I especially let the unkind, unfair judgments I felt others had of me leave.  I scribbled down my thoughts that day and it ended up with the poem below:

 Renew My Meekness

A simple bench, a humble pulpit

'Mongst men of plain imperfectness

Such was a stable, strong and able

To hold the Savior in it's mist.

Oh renew, renew my meekness

Soft testimony conquers doubt

Grand words of wisdom, doth reflect from

Lips of ordinary mouths.

A fallen man, a broken sister

Harsh words from eyes, impure remark

To be a judge, you must have love

Remember who hath made their hearts.

Yes renew, renew my meekness

For these eyes are young and blind

The whole need not a physician

Let us come and be refined.

A wealthy world, a life of greatness

In charity, thou gave discreet

Can I tame my need for gain?

In giving make, my soul complete.

Oh renew, renew my meekness

Thy Majesty, I will hold dear

For the diamonds of the righteous

Are found in full and glistening tears.

 Cruel enemies, seeds of oppression

Divides my heart, and cuts so deep

Can I pray for you today?

Can I turn the other cheek?

 

Please renew, renew my meekness

How I feel so far behind

Beside the tares, my roots will weaken

Help me grow, to be divine!

~ Chimene Kirkpatrick